In The History Of Life, No Good

Our Date-nightrule Is No Talking About The Kids. That Lasts About To The End Of The Driveway.

I Used To Walk Into A Party And Scan The Room For Attractive Women. Now I Look For Women To Hold My Baby So I Can Eat Potato Salad Sitting Down.

My Wife And I Never Agree On The Dishtowels. It's A Matter Of Terms. She Asks Me Not To Put The Dishtowel In The Sink. So I Drape It Over The Sink, But Not In The Sink. If That's Our Biggest Problem, I Think We're In Good Shape.

There's Something That Happens In That Delivery Room, When A Woman Becomes Ten Times More A Woman, And A Guy Becomes Six Times Less A Man. You Feel Really Dopey And Useless And Like A Spectator. I Did, Anyway.

Just Because A Baby Cries, I Discovered, Doesn't Mean There's Always Something Wrong. Sometimes Babies Wake Up For No Real Reason. They Just Want To Check If They're Doing It Right. "this Is Sleeping, Right?" "exactly." "i Just Lie Here?" "that's Right." "okay." Then Back To Sleep They Go.