Hey, Did Somebody Step On A Duck?

My Wife Has To Be The Worst Cook. I Don't Believe Meatloaf Should Glow In The Dark

I Knew A Girl So Ugly That She Was Known As A Two-bagger. That's When You Put A Bag Over Your Head In Case The Bag Over Her Head Breaks.

A Hooker Once Told Me She Had A Headache.

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. I Told My Mother, I'm Gonna Run Away From Home. She Said, On Your Mark.

I Tell Ya, My Wife Was Never Nice. On Our First Date, I Asked Her If I Could Give Her A Goodnight Kiss On The Cheek - She Bent Over!