When I Was A Kid I Got

After I Got Divorced, I Said To Myself, I Will Never, Ever Get Married Again. It Was In Cement. I Went Through A Really Rough Twenty-five Years, But It Happened Again. I Fell In Love. I Told Her, Baby, I Don't Want A Prenuptial Agreement. This Is It. Everyone Told Me I Was Nuts. Well, My New Wife And I Are Married Six Years And We Get Along Great. You Can Make Anything Work If You're Both Givers.

My Boy Is A Mean Kid. I Came Home The Other Day And Saw Him Taping Worms To The Sidewalk, He Sits There And Watches The Birds Get Hernias. Well, Only Last Christmas I Gave Him A B-b Gun And He Gave Me A Sweatshirt With A Bulls-eye On The Back. I Told My Kids, "someday, You'll Have Kids Of Your Own." One Of Them Said, "so Will You."

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. My Mother Breast Fed Me Through A Straw.

There's Only One Thing Wrong With My Wife's Face - It Shows.

I Came From A Real Tough Neighborhood. On My Street, The Kids Take Hubcaps - From Moving Cars.