I Asked A Shop Owner If He

My Father Fought In World War I And Single-handedly Destroyed The Germans' Line Of Communication. He Ate Their Pigeon.

I Asked A Shop Owner If He Could Help Me Out. He Said: "what Way Did You Come In?"

I've Been Married To My Wife For 60 Years But It Feels Just Like Yesterday, And You Know What A Bloody Awful Day Yesterday Was.

It's Never Occurred To Me To Worry About My Health, Or That I'll Get Old, Or That People Will Stop Laughing At Me.

A Traffic Policeman Stops Sister Bridget For Speeding. She Pulls Into The Side Of The Road And Winds Down Her Window. The Officer Walks Round And Starts Undoing His Fly. "oh Dear," She Says, "not The Breathalyser Again."