I Bought An Ideal Gift For My

I Like To Think Of Myself As The Middleman Between Fred Allen And Henny Youngman.

Some Kids Want To Know Why The Teachers Get Paid When It's The Kids Who Have To Do All The Work.

I Don't Date Women My Age. There Aren't Any.

I Bought A Christmas Tree For Twenty Dollars. When I Came Home The Next Day, My Wife Was Wearing It In Her Hair.

A Thing Of Beauty Is A Job Forever.