I'd Like To Get Four People Who

I Like Vending Machines, Because Snacks Are Better When They Fall.

I Saw Soda Pop For $1.20 A Six Pack. That Price Messes With Your Head. You Start Thinking You're Gonna Sell Soda Pop. Suddenly I've Got Packs Of Pop With Me. "looking To Buy Some Pop? 50 Cents A Can. It's Not Refrigerated Because This Is A Half-assed Commitment!"

I Had A Paper Route When I Was A Kid. I Was Supposed To Go To 2,000 Houses. Or Two Dumpsters.

People Ask Me For My Autograph After A Show. I'm Not Famous, I Think They're Messing With Me. I Think They're Trying To Make Me Late For Something.

I Don't Wear A Watch Because I Want My Arms To Weigh The Same.