I Do What I Can Do When

Learn How To Cook. Read Books That Will Educate You. Get An Education. Get A Career. And Support Yourself. And Live In A Section Of Town That Isn't Conducive To Violence.

I'll Go Back To Comedy Clubs When They Get A Real No-camera Policy, The Same Way They Did With Smoking.

Funny Is Only Something That Others Know About You - You Can't Be Funny By Yourself.

Nobody's Good. I Hate It. I Truly Hate It. I Mean, There's A Lot Of Guys Doing Stuff I Admire, But Stand-up-wise I Feel Very Alone. I Really Miss Bill Hicks. I Wish I Could Have Put Him On My Show. And I Really Miss Sam Kinison A Lot. Richard Pryor's Sick... It's Like You Get Here And Then, Oh Wait A Minute, There's Nobody Here Any More. I Feel Like The Guy Who Finally Got Into Studio 54, Three Years Too Late, Duh, Where Are All The Famous People?

Here's What I Knew About Doing A Play: I Knew It Would Make Me A Better Actor.