I Got An Ant Farm. Them Fellas

I Put Fruit On Top Of My Waffles, Because I Want Something To Brush Off.

I`ve Not Really Been Angling To Be A Comedian. I Knew Comics And I Loved Them And I Loved Being Funny, But I Didn't Understand The Whole Concept Of Becoming One. My First Couple Of Times On Stage, I Was Like, "this Is What I'm Doing For Sure." I Was So Excited.

One Time I Was Forced To Go To The Doctors Because Of A Sports Accident. Herpes.

An Escalator Can Never Break: It Can Only Become Stairs. You Should Never See An Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order Sign, Just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry For The Convenience.

I Had A Box Of Ritz Crackers, And On The Back Of The Box, They Had All These Suggestions For What To Put On Top Of The Ritz. Try It With Cheese. Try It With Peanut Butter. Come On, Man, They're Crackers, That's Why I Got Them. I Like Crackers! I Didn't Buy Them Because They're Little Edible Plates!