I Got An Ant Farm. Them Fellas

You Know When You Go Into A Restaurant, And It Gets Busy And They Start A Waiting List, And They Start Calling Out Names, "dufresnes, Party Of Two." They Say Again, "dufresnes, Party Of Two." But Then If No One Answers, They'll Just Go To The Next Name, "bush, Party Of Three." Yeah, But What Happened To The Dufresnes? No One Seems To Care. Who Can Eat At A Time Like This? People Are Missing! And They're Hungry! That's A Double Whammy! "bush, Search Party Of Three!" You Can Eat Once You Find The Dufresnes!

I Was In A Convenience Store, Reading A Magazine. The Clerk Told Me, "this Is Not A Library!" "ok! I Will Talk Louder, Then!"

Some Comics Get Drunk Before A Show. I Don't. When I Get Drunk, I Don't Want To Stand In Front Of A Bunch Of People That I Don't Know. That Does Not Sound Comfortable. Why Have All These People Gathered? And Why Am I Elevated And Not Facing The Same Way As Everyone Else? And What Is This Electric Stick In My Hand? I Want A Chair Too!

I Used To Drink Wine. This Girl Asked Me, "doesn't Wine Give You A Headache?" "yeah, Eventually, But The First And The Middle Part Are Amazing!"

I Like Rice. Rice Is Great If You're Hungry And Want 2000 Of Something Picketing, But I Don't Know How To Show It.