I Got Into Stand Up Just To

Whenever I'm On My Computer, I Don't Type 'lol'. I Type 'lqtm' - Laugh Quietly To Myself. It's More Honest.

It Is Impossible For A Cyclops To Wink.

I Want To Make A Revolving Door That Says 'pull' On It, Just See How Obedient People Are.

Specifically In Stand-up, I Love Jokes. I Love Short, Structured Ideas And A Punchline.

I Love Women, But I Feel Like You Can't Trust Some Of Them. Some Of Them Are Liars, You Know? Like I Was In The Park And I Met This Girl, She Was Cute And She Had A Dog. And I Went Up To Her, We Started Talking. She Told Me Her Dog's Name. Then I Said, 'does He Bite?' She Said, 'no.' And I Said, 'oh Yeah? Then How Does He Eat?' Liar.