I Hated My Last Boss. He Asked,

He's So Fat, He Can Be His Own Running Mate.

I'm Often Asked, "what Is Your Favorite Moment During The 30 Years You Hosted [the Tonight Show]?" I Really Don't Have Just One. The Times I Enjoyed The Most Were The Spontaneous, Unplanned Segments That Just Happened, Like Ed Ames' Infamous "tomahawk Toss" That Produced One Of The Longest Laughs In Television History. When These Lucky Moments Happen, You Just Go With Them And Enjoy The Experience And High Of The Moment.

Happiness Is Being Served With A Paternity Suit On Your 75th Birthday.

An Oxymoron? What's That? A Moron Who Studies At Oxford?

Ronald Reagan Just Signed The New Tax Law. But I Think He Was In Hollywood Too Long. He Signed It, 'best Wishes, Ronald Reagan.'