I Know It's The Gentlemanly Thing To

I Was So Drunk Last Night I Fell Down And Missed The Floor.

In A Tuxedo, I'm A Star. In Regular Clothes, I'm A Nobody.

I've Got Seven Kids. The Three Words You Hear Most Around My House Are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' And 'i'm Pregnant.'

The Reason I Drink Is Because When I'm Sober I Think I'm Eddie Fisher.

When Jerry Lewis And I Were Big, We Used To Go To Parties, And Everybody Thought I Was Big-headed And Stuck Up, And I Wasn't. It Was Because I Didn't Know How To Speak Good English, So I Used To Keep My Mouth Shut.