In A Tuxedo, I'm A Star. In

I Take The Juice Of Two Bottles Of Whisky.

I Once Shook Hands With Pat Boone, And My Whole Right Side Sobered Up!

If You Drink Don't Drive. Don't Even Putt.

If People Want To Think I Get Drunk And Stay Out All Night, Let'em. That's How I Got Here, You Know.

When Jerry Lewis And I Were Big, We Used To Go To Parties, And Everybody Thought I Was Big-headed And Stuck Up, And I Wasn't. It Was Because I Didn't Know How To Speak Good English, So I Used To Keep My Mouth Shut.