I Like Children - Fried.

I Always Made Up My Own Acts; Built Them Out Of My Knowledge And Observation Of Real Life. I'd Had Wonderful Opportunities To Study People; And Every Time I Went Out On The Stage I Tried To Show The Audience Some Bit Of True Human Nature.

I Don't Believe In Dining On An Empty Stomach.

Scotch Needs Water Like A Fish Needs A Bicycle.

I Personally Stay Away From Natural Foods. At My Age I Need All The Preservatives I Can Get.

I Was In Love With A Beautiful Blonde Once. She Drove Me To Drink. That's The One Thing I'm Indebted To Her For.