I Like Children - Fried.

I Never Drink Water Because Of The Disgusting Things That Fish Do In It.

I Exercise Strong Self Control. I Never Drink Anything Stronger Than Gin Before Breakfast.

It Was A Marriage Of Convenience, As My Father Had A Blister On His Big Toe And Couldn't Travel Far To Find A Girl.

There's No Such Thing As A Tough Child - If You Parboil Them First For Seven Hours, They Always Come Out Tender.

The Laziest Man I Ever Met Put Popcorn In His Pancakes So They Would Turn Over By Themselves.