I'm Against Picketing, But I Don't Know

I Like Vending Machines, Because Snacks Are Better When They Fall.

I Know People Who Believe In Ghosts But Don't Believe In Themselves.

A Friend Said To Me, "i Think The Weather Is Trippy." I Said, "no, Man, It's Not The Weather That's Trippy, Perhaps It's The Way We Perceive It." And Then I Realized I Just Should Have Said, "yeah."

My Sister Wanted To Be An Actress, But She Never Made It. She Does Live In A Trailer. She Got Halfway. She's An Actress, She Just Never Gets Called To The Set.

I Got A Business Card Because I Wanna Win Some Lunches. That's What My Business Card Says: Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner. Gimme A Call, Maybe We'll Have Lunch. If I'm Lucky!