I'm On A Whisky Diet. I've Lost

Two Cannibals Eating A Clown. One Asks The Other, 'does This Taste Funny To You?'

I Had A Ploughman's Lunch The Other Day. He Wasn't Very Happy.

It's Strange, Isn't It. You Stand In The Middle Of A Library And Go Aaaaagghhhh' And Everyone Just Stares At You. But You Do The Same Thing On An Aeroplane, And Everyone Joins In.

I Backed Horse Last Week At Ten To One. It Came In At Quarter Past Four.

Now You Know Those Trick Candles That You Blow Out And A Couple Of Seconds Later They Come Alight Again, Well The Other Day There Was A Fire At The Factory That Makes Them.