I'm Sure Some Of You Are Wondering

I’ve Had So Much Plastic Surgery, When I Die They Will Donate My Body To Tupperware.

With Age Comes Wisdom. You Don't Need Big Boobs To Be Feminine. Look At Liberace.

If You Laugh At It, You Can Deal With It.

I Caused My Husband's Heart Attack. In The Middle Of Lovemaking I Took The Paper Bag Off My Head. He Dropped The Polaroid And Keeled Over And So Did The Hooker. It Would Have Taken Me Half An Hour To Untie Myself And Call The Paramedics, But Fortunately The Great Dane Could Dial.

That Baby Is So Ugly... I've Never Seen A Six-month-old So Desperately In Need Of A Wax.