I Miss The $2 Bill, 'cause I

My Manager Said, "don't Use Liquor As A Crutch!" I Can't Use Liquor As A Crutch, Because A Crutch Helps Me Walk.

I Don't Think Stand-up Is Being Appreciated As Much As It Could Be And I Don't Think It Has For A Long Time. There's Some Great Stand-up Comics Who Come To A Town And If They're Not A Name, They Don't Attract A Crowd But In Reality There Are Brilliant People Out There.

The Kit Kat Candy Bar Has The Name Kit Kat Imprinted Into The Chocolate. That Robs You Of Chocolate! That's A Clever Chocolate-saving Technique.

I Was On A Bus Once, It Was In The Middle Of The Night, And I Had A Box Of Crackers And A Can Of Easy Cheese. It Was Dark, And It Was A Surprise How Much Cheese I Had Applied On Each Cracker. That's Why They Should Have A Glow-in-the-dark Version Of Easy Cheese. It's Not Like The Product Has Any Integrity To Begin With. If You Buy A Room-temperature Cheese That You Squeeze Out Of A Can, You Probably Won't Get Mad Because It Glows In The Dark Too.

I Think A Rotisserie Is Like A Really Morbid Ferris Wheel For Chickens. It’s A Strange Piece Of Machinery . . . We Will Take The Chicken, Kill It, Impale It, And Then Rotate It. And I’ll Be Damned If I’m Not Hungry! Because Spinning Chicken Carcasses Make My Mouth Water! I Like Dizzy Chicken. With A Side Of Potatoes Of Some Sort.