I Never Met A Kid I Liked.

Some Things Are Better Than Sex, And Some Are Worse, But There's Nothing Exactly Like It.

Few Things In Life Are More Embarrassing Than The Necessity Of Having To Inform An Old Friend That You Have Just Got Engaged To His Fiancee.

Once, During Prohibition, I Was Forced To Live For Days On Nothing But Food And Water.

I Have Spent A Lot Of Time Searching Through The Bible For Loopholes.

Anyone Who Hates Children And Animals Can't Be All Bad.