I Never Write A Play With An

I Got Brown Sandwiches And Green Sandwiches. Its Either Very New Cheese Or Very Old Meat. - Oscar Madison, From The Odd Couple

Everyone Thinks They Can Write A Play; You Just Write Down What Happened To You. But The Art Of It Is Drawing From All The Moments Of Your Life.

I Don’t Like Writing For Comedians. I Like Writing For Actors. The Best Comedians Are The Best Actors.

I Don't Like Losing The Words, As You Have To, When I'm Asked To Turn A Play Into A Movie. It's Not A Matter Of Ego . . . I'm Just Better Able To Create The Character For An Audience Through Words Rather Than Through Actions.

You Must Realize That Honorary Degrees Are Given Generally To People Whose Sat Scores Were Too Low To Get Them Into Schools The Regular Way. As A Matter Of Fact, It Was My Sat Scores That Led Me Into My Present Vocation In Life, Comedy.