I Think When You Take Off That

Calgary Wins For My Coldest New Year's Eve Gig. That's When I Learned Fahrenheit And Celsius Cross At 40 Below. I Could See Callers' Breath Coming Out Of My Phone.

People Are Giving Birth Underwater Now. They Say It's Less Traumatic For The Baby Because It's Under Water. But It's Certainly More Traumatic For The Other People In The Pool.

I Am Thankful The Most Important Key In History Was Invented. It's Not The Key To Your House, Your Car, Your Boat, Your Safety Deposit Box, Your Bike Lock Or Your Private Community. It's The Key To Order, Sanity, And Peace Of Mind. The Key Is 'delete.'

I Have Always Put My Own Money Into Tails Of Joy. For Years, Every Time A Dog Walked By, My Husband Would Say, 'there Goes Our Beach House.'

There Are Many Comedians Who Are Afraid To Work Outside The Coasts And The Casinos Because They're Afraid They'll Bomb.