I Tried To Walk Into Target, But

When You're In Hollywood And You're A Comedian, Everybody Wants You To Do Other Things. All Right, You're A Stand-up Comedian, Can You Write Us A Script? That's Not Fair. That's Like If I Worked Hard To Become A Cook, And I'm A Really Good Cook, They'd Say, "ok, You're A Cook. Can You Farm?"

I Have A Roommate, And I Signed A Year Lease. I Screwed Up! That's Like I Wrote A Joke That Didn't Work, But Now I Have To Tell It For A Year.

If You Want To Talk To Me After The Show, I'd Be Surprised.

I Called The Hotel Operator And She Said, "how Can I Direct Your Call?" I Said, "well, You Could Say 'action!', And I'll Begin To Dial. And When I Say 'goodbye', Then You Can Yell 'cut!'"

I Like It When You Buy Something And Pay With A Credit Card, They Put Your Credit Card On The Receipt, But Only The Last Four Numbers. Aha! I'm Really Good At Guessing Twelve Numbers. I Can't Guess 16 Numbers, So Thanks For The Assistance!