I've Been On The Whisky Diet -

So I Rang Up A Local Building Firm, I Said 'i Want A Skip Outside My House.' He Said 'i'm Not Stopping You.'

Police Arrested Two Kids Yesterday, One Was Drinking Battery Acid, The Other Was Eating Fireworks. They Charged One And Let The Other One Off.

I Went Into A Butchers And I Said, 'i'll Have A Pound Of Sausages. 'he Said, 'i'm Very Sorry, Sir, We Only Serve Kilos In Here. 'i Said, 'okay Then I'll Have A Pound Of Kilos.'

A Man Walks Into Doctor's Office. "what Seems To Be The Problem?" Asks The Doc. "it's ... Um ... Well ... I Have Five Penises." Replies The Man. "blimey!" Says The Doctor, "how Do Your Trousers Fit?" "like A Glove."

So I Knocked On The Door At This Bed & Breakfast And A Lady Stuck Her Head Out Of The Window And Said: 'what Do You Want', I Said, 'i Want To Stay Here'. She Said, 'well Stay There' And Shut The Window.