I've Been On The Whisky Diet -

So I Was In Tesco's And I Saw This Man And Woman Wrapped In A Barcode. I Said "are You Two An Item?"

I Went Window Shopping Today! I Bought Four Windows.

So A Lorry-load Of Tortoises Crashed Into A Train-load Of Terrapins, I Thought "that's A Turtle Disaster".

So I Rang Up A Local Building Firm, I Said 'i Want A Skip Outside My House.' He Said 'i'm Not Stopping You.'

I Bought Some Hp Sauce The Other Day. It's Costing Me 6p A Month For The Next 2 Years.