I've Been Outed As A Christian.

I'm A Big Eater. I Mean, A Lot Of My Stand-up Is About Food, And You Write About What You Know, And That's The Only Thing I Know. I Don't Know Anything Else.

Some People That Work For Hot Pockets Came To My Denver Paramount Theater Show. They Brought These Hot Pocket Boxes The Size Of Suit Cases For Me To Sign. I Wrote "these Are Wmd's" On The Boxes. The Hp People Seem To Have A Good Sense Of Humor About All Of It.

If Only Opening A Vitamin Water Could Be Classified As Working Out.

I Don't Know If I'm The Husky Guy, But I'm The Sexy Guy Who's A Good Kisser .

I Think Stand-up Comedy Is This - It's This Kind Of Indulgence And Narcissism.