I've Put On A Lot Of Weight...

Today's Comics Use Four-letter Words As A Shortcut To Thinking. They're Shooting For That Big Laugh And It Becomes A Panic Thing, Using Four-letter Words To Shock People.

I Don't Hate My Enemies. After All, I Made 'em.

Exercise? I Get It On The Golf Course. When I See My Friends Collapse, I Run For The Paramedics.

If By Chance Some Day You're Not Feeling Well And You Should Remember Some Silly Thing I've Said Or Done And It Brings Back A Smile To Your Face Or A Chuckle To Your Heart, Then My Purpose As Your Clown Has Been Fulfilled.

My Doctor Said I Look Like A Million Dollars - Green And Wrinkled.