I Was So Ugly My Mother Used

Cars And Women Are A Lot Alike. They Lie About The Milage.

I'm At The Age Where Food Has Taken The Place Of Sex In My Life. In Fact, I've Just Had A Mirror Put Over My Kitchen Table.

Look Out For Number One And Try Not To Step In Number Two.

At Twenty A Man Is Full Of Fight And Hope. He Wants To Reform The World. When He Is Seventy He Still Wants To Reform The World, But He Know He Can't.

A Homeless Guy Came Up To Me On The Street, Said He Hadn't Eaten In Four Days. I Told Him, "man, I Wish I Had Your Willpower.