I Went To The Doctor Last Week.

I'm The Most Unromantic Lump Of Northern Suet. Yes, A Woman Did Accost Me Once In South Shields, But She Had A Face Like Red Rum.

I Saw Six Men Kicking And Punching The Mother-in-law. My Neighbour Said 'are You Going To Help?' I Said 'no, Six Should Be Enough.'

I Was Sat At The Bottom Of The Garden A Week Ago, Smoking A Reflective Cheroot, Thinking About This And That - Mostly That, And I Just Happened To Glance At The Night Sky And I Marvelled At The Millions Of Stars Glistening Like Pieces Of Quicksilver Thrown Carelessly Onto Black Velvet. In Awe I Watched The Waxen Moon Ride Across The Zenith Of The Heavens Like An Amber Chariot Towards The Void Of Infinite Space Wherein The Tethered Bolts Of Jupiter And Mars Hang Forever In Their Orbital Majesty; And As I Looked At All This, I Thought, 'i Must Put A Roof On This Lavatory.

My Mother-in-law Has Come Round To Our House At Christmas Seven Years Running. This Year We're Having A Change. We're Going To Let Her In.

The Mother-in-law Had An Accident At Work. A Hot Rivet Dropped Down Her Drawers And She Fell Off The Oil Rig.