I Would Rather Be Living In Philadelphia.

Alcoholic: Anybody Who Drinks More Than I Do.

Never Eat At A Place Called 'moms', But If The Only Other Place In Town Has A Sign That Says 'eats', Go Back To Moms.

I Drink Therefore I Am.

Always Carry A Flagon Of Whiskey In Case Of Snakebite, And Furthermore Always Carry A Small Snake.

I Only Drink To Steady My Nerves... Sometimes I'm So Steady I Don't Move For Months.