If I Have Kids, I'll Adopt.

I Don't Set Out To Offend Or Shock, But I Also Don't Do Anything To Avoid It.

People Say I'm A Nice Girl Saying Terrible Things. I Tend To Say The Opposite Of What I Think. You Hope That The Absolute Power Of That Transcends, And Reaches The Audience.

When You're A Comic, It's Like Being Born Gay. It's What You Want To Do Every Night When Your Other Friends Are Out At Night Going To Parties.

They've Got Great Parents; I'm Just Trying To Be The Fun Uncle.

I've Always Kept My Overhead Low So I Could Do Whatever I Want. I Think Of Myself As Lazy With Spurts Of Getting A Lot Done. I Find Myself Rooting Against Things Sometimes Because I Get Excited At The Thought Of A Clean Slate.