If I Have Kids, I'll Adopt.

Some Things Are Just For Private. It's Like People Thinking I'm Cold Or This Or That. It's Unfortunate, But I Don't Need Strangers To Know That I'm Warm. I Don't Need Strangers To Know The Real Me.

I Just Don't Let That Mentality Be A Part Of My World.

I'll Be Back. I'll Be Black. I'll Be White Black.

Comics Who Grew Up Surviving Their Childhood By Being Able To Be The First One To Make The Joke About Their Weight Or Their Hairy Arms - Like Me - Whatever They're Insecure About, Whatever They're Apologizing For, That Becomes Their Strength.

When I Was 9 Or 10 Years Old, My Dad Took Me Over To A Neighboring Farm To Help Get Stuff For The Meal. The Farmer, Vic, Told Me To Look At All The Turkeys And Pick One Out. I Saw A Cute One With A Silly Walk And Cried, 'him!' Before My Pointing Finger Had Even Dropped To My Side, Vic Had Grabbed The Turkey By The Neck And Slit [the Animal's] Throat. Blood And Feathers Went Flying. I Had Sentenced That Turkey To Death! Up Until Then, I Didn't Know Where Meat Came From—and I've Been A Vegetarian Ever Since.