If I Wasn't A Comic Or Tv

You Know What I Worry About? I Worry That When I Hit My Head, It Pushes My Hair Into My Brain, And It Will Eventually Kill Me.

The Tv Season Is A Year-long Thing Now, And The Networks Are Starting To Look At It That Way, Thanks To Cable, Satellites, And Competition.

When I Did Comic Relief, I Did It To Be On The Show; It's A Badge Of Honor As A Comedian To Do That Show.

Hollywood People Are Filled With Guilt: White Guilt, Liberal Guilt, Money Guilt. They Feel Bad That They're So Rich, They Feel They Don't Work That Much For All That Money - And They Don't, For The Amount Of Money They Make.

Yeah, Apparently Chasing A Bus Uses Different Muscles Than Sitting And Eating.