If Your House Is Really A Mess

My Mother-in-law Must Be The Probation Officer I Got For The Crime I Committed Of Marrying My Husband.

The Last Thing My Kids Ever Did To Earn Money Was Lose Their Baby Teeth.

[when To Have A Facelift:] If You're Tripping Over Your Neck.

Your Husband Drinks Too Much If He Says He Never Drinks Alone, But Considers The Goldfish Somebody.

Keep At Least One Window Pane Clean To Check The Weather. Once When I Didn't Do This I Sent The Kids Off With Umbrellas For Six Weeks Straight.