It's Been So Long Since I Made

I Have No Sex Appeal, Which Kills Me. The Only Way I Can Ever Hear Heavy Breathing From My Husband's Side Of The Bed Is When He's Having An Asthma Attack.

And Since We're All Adults Here, Let's Be Brutally Honest-most Babies Are Not Actually Attractive. In Fact, They're Weird And Freakish Looking. A Large Percentage Of Them Are Squinty-eyed And Bald And Their Faces Are All Mushed Toegther, Kind Of Like Renee Zellweger Pushed Up Against A Glass Window.

My Daughter Refuses To Call Me Mother In Public; My Little Grandson Calls Me Spongeslob Squarebottom, And Nobody Else Ever Calls Me At All.

Never Floss With A Stranger.

People Are Arguing Whether Mel Gibson's "passion Of The Christ" Is Anti-semitic. Well, Whether It Is Or It Isn't, It Doesn't Matter, Because I've Been In Touch With His Accounting Firm, Rosencrantz, Levy And Stern, And They're Screwing Him Out Of His Profits.