It's Not So Much Knowing When To

I'm Living In A Very Modest Place. I Have A Room Over-looking Beautiful Claridge's Hotel. I Thought It Was Better Than Paying Claridge's Prices And Overlooking The Dump I'm Living In.

There's Only Five Real People In Hollywood. Everyone Else Is Mel Blanc.

When I Give Concerts, The Tickets Sell For Five Dollars To One Hundred Dollars, But For My Concerts The Five-dollar Seats Are Down In Front... The Further Back You Go, The More You Have To Pay. The Hundred Dollar Seats Are The Last Two Rows, And Those Tickets Go Like Hotcakes! In Fact, If You Pay Two Hundred Dollars You Don't Have To Come At All.

I Practice Three Hours Daily On My Violin So I Won't Get Worse.

Hors D'oeuvre: A Ham Sandwich Cut Into Forty Pieces.