It's One Of The Old Show Business

People Ask Me What I'd Most Appreciate Getting For My Eighty-seventh Birthday. I Tell Them, A Paternity Suit.

The Heart Is A Temple Wherein All Truth Resides.

It Takes Only One Drink To Get Me Drunk. The Trouble Is, I Can't Remember If It's The Thirteenth Or The Fourteenth.

Let Me Get One Thing Straight; I'm Not An Authority On Sex, I'm More Of A Fan. I Think Sex Is Nice; No Family Should Be Without It. Of Course, There Are Other Things That Are Just As Important As Sex, Like Uh . . . Like Uh . . . Like . . . Uh . . . Well, I'll Think Of It Later.

If I Paid Ten Dollars For A Cigar, First I'd Make Love To It, Then I'd Smoke It.