It's Tough Having The Last Name Rickles.

I Was Sitting In The Toilet And I Was By Myself. I Was Tired Of Playing With The Roller, So I Said I'd Better Write A Book.

No Matter Where You Go In This World, You Will Always Find A Jew Sitting In The Beach Chair Next To You.

Showbiz Is Great If You're Successful.

Eddie Fisher Married To Elizabeth Taylor Is Like Me Trying To Wash The Empire State Building With A Bar Of Soap.

Show Business Is My Life. When I Was A Kid I Sold Insurance, But Nobody Laughed.