Showbiz Is Great If You're Successful.

I Was Sitting In The Toilet And I Was By Myself. I Was Tired Of Playing With The Roller, So I Said I'd Better Write A Book.

When You Do See Me, You'll Get The Idea From When You See Me That It's All Off The Top Of My Head. A Lot Of It Is A Beginning, Middle And The End. But It's Different Every Night. I Have A Lot Of Jokes In My Back Pocket I've Said Over The Years.

When You Enter A Room, You Have To Kiss His Ring. I Don't Mind, But He Has It In His Back Pocket.

Smartphones. Who Cares? Smartphones. I Only Have Dummy Phones.

What I Do Is, I Make Fun Of People And I Make Fun Of Myself And Things Around Us And Exaggerate Things. And I'm Never Mean-spirited. See, The Word Insult Means Some Guy Who's A Real Unkind Human Being. But I Don't Do That, Because Otherwise I Wouldn't Be Headlining All These Years, Thank God, And All These People Showing Up To See Me.