Let No Man's Deathbed Be A Futon.

My Friend Named His Car. And I Don't Want To Be Judgemental, But... What A Dork.

A Jerk On A Motorcycle Is Equal To A Leaf, Because I Find It Beautiful When These Things Fall.

Sometimes, When Something Really Great Happens To Me, I Like To Wait Two Weeks Before I Tell Anyone About It, Because I Like To Use The Word 'fortnight'.

The Plastic Knife Is Perfect For When A Person Just Wants To Make Some Marks On His Food And Get Insanely Frustrated At The Same Time.

When You're Wearing An Animal Costume And Something Bad Happens, Your Facial Expression Doesn't Change. The Animal Is Deadpan The Whole Time. If You're Skiing In A Gorilla Suit And You Fall, You Just See A Gorilla Who Has No Emotion. It's Just A Stoic Gorilla, Wildly Falling Down A Hill, Out Of Control.