Let No Man's Deathbed Be A Futon.

You Are Ten Times More Likely To Get Hit By A Car When The Driver Is Aiming For You.

Timing Is Everything. That's A Cliche. Now. If I'd Said That A Long Time Ago, I'd Have Been Original.

When You Have A Fat Friend There Are No See-saws, Only Catapults.

I Wear Dark Sunglasses When I Want My Head To Look More Like A Limousine.

To Some I Am Known As Chief. And These Are Usually People Who Work In Radio Shack Or Try To Sell Me Shoes. To Others I Am Known As Buddy. These Are People Who Dwell In Bars And Wonder If I’ve Got A Problem Or What It Is That I Am “looking At.” And To Still Others, Who Are In That Same Bar, Standing Just Off To The Side, I Am “get Him!"