Men Do Not Settle Down. Men Surrender.

They Don't Want You To Vote. If They Did, We Wouldn't Vote On A Tuesday. In November. You Ever Throw A Party On A Tuesday? No. Because Nobody Would Come.

You Can Never Make A Woman Happy, It's Impossible. I've Never Met A Happy Woman In My Life. They're Always Complaining About Something.

The Two Best Things You Can Do For A Person Is Have Sex Or Make Them Laugh.

A Comedian Has To Live In His Head. All This Comedy Comes From A Lonely Place. When You're Surrounded By An Entourage, You're Not Living In Your Head.

Men Are Handicapped When It Comes To Arguing, 'cause We Have A Need To Make Sense.