My Mother Is Very Short - Four-eleven.

The 2,000-year-old Man's Secrets Of Longevity 1. Don't Run For A Bus - There'll Always Be Another. 2. Never, Ever Touch Fried Food. 3. Stay Out Of A Ferrari Or Any Other Small Italian Car. 4. Eat Fruit - A Nectarine - Even A Rotten Plum Is Good.

Comedy Is Serious - Deadly Serious. Never, Never Try To Be Funny! The Actors Must Be Serious. Only The Situation Must Be Absurd. Funny Is In The Writing, Not In The Performing. If The Situation Isn't Absurd, No Amount Of Joke Will Help.

There's Not Enough Bad Taste! I Love Bad Taste! I Live For Bad Taste! I Am The Spokesman For Bad Taste!

I Wanted To Entertain So Badly That I Kept At It Until I Was Good. I Just Browbeat My Way Into Show Business.

I've Been Accused Of Vulgarity. I Say That's Bullshit.