Never Cry Over Spilt Milk, Because It

Say Anything That You Like About Me Except That I Drink Water.

Never Eat At A Place Called 'moms', But If The Only Other Place In Town Has A Sign That Says 'eats', Go Back To Moms.

I've Been On A 46-year Diet Of Olives And Alcohol. The Latter I Consume. The Former I Save And Use Over Again In More Alcohol. In My Lifetime, I Imagine, I Have Consumed At Least $200,000 Worth Of Whisky.

Christmas At My House Is Always At Least Six Or Seven Times More Pleasant Than Anywhere Else. We Start Drinking Early. And While Everyone Else Is Seeing Only One Santa Claus, We'll Be Seeing Six Or Seven.

Business Is An Establishment That Gives You The Legal, Even Though Unethical, Right To Screw The Naive-right, Left, And In The Middle.