Our Dog Died From Licking Our Wedding

Tranquilizers Work Only If You Follow The Advice On The Bottle - Keep Away From Children.

Sex Is Identical To Comedy In That It Involves Timing.

When You Hire A Person To Plan Your Wedding, This Does Not Include Securing The Groom. Plan To Get Married On Friday The 13th. In Years To Come This Will Make It Much Easier To Explain Why Things Turned Out Badly. To Look Beautiful At Your Wedding, Take Time To Plan It. It Took Me A Long Time To Find Two Ugly Bridesmaids And A Frumpy Little Flower Girl.

Self-pity Is Better Than None.

I'm Eighteen Years Behind In My Ironing. There's No Use Doing It Now, It Doesn't Fit Anybody I Know.