People Will Pay More To Be Entertained

Americans, Too Many Of Them, Take Themselves Too Seriously. You're Going To Get Rapped - By The Viewers, By The Sponsors And By The Network Brass - If You Joke About Doctors, Lawyers, Dentists, Scientists, Bus Drivers, I Don't Care Who. You Can't Make A Joke About Catholics, Negroes, Jews, Italians, Politicians, Dogs Or Cats. In Fact, Politicians, Dogs And Cats Are The Most Sacred Institutions In America.

Believe Me, You Don't Walk Away From The Kind Of Money You Make With A Daily Television Show. You Might Get Awful Tired Of It Sometimes, But Take A Second Look At The Check And You Get Less Tired Right Away.

The Worst Gift Is A Fruitcake. There Is Only One Fruitcake In The Entire World, And People Keep Sending It To Each Other.

The Hollywood Tradition I Like Best Is Called Sucking Up To The Stars.

I Hated My Last Boss. He Asked, Why Are You Two Hours Late? I Said, I Fell Downstairs. He Said, That Doesn't Take Two Hours.