Remember, Folks, I Am A Comedian, Not

I Have Friends Who Are Going Through Chemotherapy, And They Make The Darkest, Most Hideous Cancer Jokes You've Ever Heard.

It Was Sweaty Whitney (houston) In Central Park. She Knew That Park Pretty Well. Every Bush!

No, I Love Montreal... I Think I Love Montreal More Than Montreal Loves Me... I Love The Food There.

It Is A Challenge, With The Global Fame, To Try To Act Like I Put My Pants On One Leg At A Time, When In Fact I Have Pippa Middleton Help Me Put My Pants On Every Morning. She's My Lady-in-waiting As Well.

When My Pals In High School Were Starting To Drink, It Always Looked Unappealing To Me. I Would Be At A Big Party And See One Of The Popular Girls Or Football Players Completely Wasted And Puking And Acting A Fool, And Think To Myself, There Is Nothing Cool About That. I Never Wanted To Be That Out Of Control.