Sarcasm Doesn't Translate In Print At All.

I'm Not Going To Win An Oscar Anytime Soon. I'm Not Meryl Streep.

I'm Self-loathing, Introverted, And Neurotic.

If There's No Sun, I Go Batshit Crazy.

When I Talk About My Husband, I Feel As If People Roll Their Eyes. It's Like When You're 16 And Order A Martini, And The Waiter Says, 'do You Think I'm Stupid?'. They Can't Grasp That I'm Old Enough To Be Married.

When I Was 14, I Thought I Was The Coolest Kid In School Because I Told Everyone The Jokes In Fhm.