Some Say Our National Pastime Is Baseball.

What's With You Men? Would Hair Stop Growing On Your Chest If You Asked Directions Somewhere?

She's As Funny As A Toothache

Some Say Our National Pastime Is Baseball. Not Me. It's Gossip.

Kids Are Without A Doubt The Most Suspicious Diners In The World. They Will Eat Mud (raw Or Baked) Rocks, Paste, Crayons, Ball-point Pens, Moving Goldfish, Cigarette Butts, And Cat Food. Try To Coax A Little Beef Stew Into Their Mouths And They Look At You Like A Puppy When You Stand Over Him With The Sunday Paper Rolled Up.

I Was Terrible At Straight Items. When I Wrote Obituaries, My Mother Said The Only Thing I Ever Got Them To Do Was Die In Alphabetical Order.