Sparklers Are The Gay Cousins Of The

Are You Shooting Webs Of Stupid At Me?

I Keep Getting These People At My Shows Who Only Know Me From Television. I Can Always Tell When They're, Like, Emotionally Flinching When I Start Doing My Jokes.

Even Now, As We Speak, People Are Having Sex With Animals. And We Wonder Why The Animals Attack Us.

Have You Seen That Magazine Barely Legal? That Means When You Look At It, You're Almost A Pedophile.

Yeah, I Know, Some People Are Against Drunk Driving, And I Call Those People 'the Cops.' But You Know, Sometimes, You've Just Got No Choice; Those Kids Gotta Get To School!