The Customer’s Always Right.

A Minibar Is A Machine That Makes Everything Expensive. When I Take Something Out Of The Minibar, I Always Fathom That I'll Go And Replace It Before They Check It Off, But They Make That Stuff Impossible To Replace. I Go To The Store And Ask, 'do You Have Coke In A Glass Harmonica ...do You Have Individually Wrapped Cashews'

Mitch's Pizzaria... This Week's Coupon: Unlimited Free Pizza. Special Note: Coupon Not Good At Any Of The Mitch's Pizza Locations. Free Pizza Oven With Purchase Of A Small Coke. Two-for Tuesday: Buy One Pizza, Get One Franchise Free.

I Saw On Hbo They Were Advertising A Boxing Match "it's A Fight To The Finish". That's A Good Place To End.

If You're Watching A Parade, Don't Follow It. It Never Changes. If The Parade Is Boring, Run In The Opposite Direction. You Will Fast-forward The Parade.

I Like Wearing Necklaces, Because It Lets Me Know When I'm Upside Down.