The Fashion Magazines Are Suggesting That Women

All Angelina Jolie Wants To Do Is Do Good For People. And She Was Saying To Me: If I Could Just Make One Person Happy, Joan, I'll Die Satisfied. I Said: Easy! Just Give Jennifer Aniston Back Her Husband.

You Don’t Marry For Love. What Does Love Got To Do With Marriage? I Spit On Love And Marriage. You Marry For Money.

The People Voting For The Oscars Are So Old. I Haven't Seen One Academy Award Voter With A Tampon In Her Purse.

And Since We're All Adults Here, Let's Be Brutally Honest-most Babies Are Not Actually Attractive. In Fact, They're Weird And Freakish Looking. A Large Percentage Of Them Are Squinty-eyed And Bald And Their Faces Are All Mushed Toegther, Kind Of Like Renee Zellweger Pushed Up Against A Glass Window.

I Like Colonic Irrigation Because Sometimes You Find Old Jewelry.