The Garden Of Eden Was A Boggy

I Saw An Advertisement The Other Day For The Secret Of Life. It Said "the Secret Of Life Can Be Yours For Twenty-five Shillings. Sent To Secret Of Life Institute, Willesden." So I Wrote Away, Seemed A Good Bargain, Secret Of Life, Twenty-five Shillings. And I Got A Letter Back Saying, "if You Think You Can Get The Secret Of Life For Twenty-five Shillings, You Don't Deserve To Have It. Send Fifty Shillings For The Secret Of Life."

I Didn't Know Dirty Words Could Be Done That Artfully.

You Realize That Suicide's A Criminal Offense. In Less Enlightened Times They'd Have Hung You For It.

If There's One Thing I Can't Bear, It's When Hundreds Of Old Men Come Creeping In Through The Window In The Middle Of The Night And Throw All Manner Of Garbage Over Me. I Can't Bear That.

I Would Like To Like To Make One Thing Clear At The Very Outset And That Is, When You Speak Of A Train Robbery, This Involved No Loss Of Train, Merely What I Like To Call The Contents Of The Train, Which Were Pilfered. We Haven't Lost A Train Since 1946, I Believe It Was - The Year Of The Great Snows When We Mislaid A Small One.