The Problem With Dating A Model Is

Are There Glass Shards In My Anus?!

I Was Told By A Girl Once That I Should Teach A Course On How To Kiss Properly. I Thought That Was Really A Nice Compliment. I Then Asked Her What She Thought About My Sexual Prowess And She Recommended I Talk To A Guy She Used To Date. Body Blow.

I Don't Know If I Could Kill Someone With A Frozen Turkey Because That Is A Lot Of Evidence To Eat .... Unless I Found A Whole Room Of People Who Also Wanted That Person Dead.

I Was Being Chased By A Giant Crab. That's Not Funny.

A Couple Of Days Back, I Got Into A Car Accident. Not My Fault. Even If It's Not Your Fault, The Other Person Gets Out Of Their Car And Looks At You Like It's Your Fault: Why Did You Stop At A Red Light And Let Me Hit You Doing 80!