The Secret Of A Good Sermon Is

Old Age Is When You Resent The Swimsuit Issue Of Sports Illustrated Because There Are Fewer Articles To Read.

And God Said 'let There Be Satan, So People Don't Blame Everything On Me. And Let There Be Lawyers, So People Don't Blame Everything On Satan.'

Retire? I'm Going To Stay In Show Business Until I'm The Only One Left

In Show Business The Key Word Is Honesty. Once You've Learned To Fake That, The Rest Is Easy.

It Takes Only One Drink To Get Me Drunk. The Trouble Is, I Can't Remember If It's The Thirteenth Or The Fourteenth.