The Secret Of A Good Sermon Is

I Don't Worry About Getting Old. I'm Old Already. Only Young People Worry About Getting Old. When I Was 65, I Had Cupid's Eczema. I Don't Believe In Dying. It's Been Done. I'm Working On A New Exit. Besides, I Can't Die Now - I'm Booked.

I Smoke Ten To Fifteen Cigars A Day. At My Age I Have To Hold On To Something.

I Love To Sing, And I Love To Drink Scotch. Most People Would Rather Hear Me Drink Scotch.

With The Collapse Of Vaudeville New Talent Has No Place To Stink.

None Of Us Kids Had A Middle Name. We Were Lucky We Had Any Name At All. By The Time My Mother Got Around To Naming One, There Was Another On The Way.